I was pursuing Twitter this afternoon, where I read about Sharon Begley's passing with great sadness. Sharon was a prolific journalist who wrote about science for Newsweek, the Wall Street Journal and STAT. She was particularly interested in psychology. She wrote several books about the mind and the brain and published articles in Psychology Today. For many years, until the magazine folded, I was a subscriber to Newsweek. Her column was one of the first things I would turn to when I sat down to read that week's edition. She was a lovely writer whose crisp prose made complex ideas about a broad variety of science topics easily understandable. Aside from learning new and interesting things about cutting edge research each week, she taught me a very important and meaningful lesson about kindness and diplomacy which has really stayed with me.
I used to pride myself on writing highly critical letters and reviews when I heard about or read something I didn't like or strongly disagreed with. In 2009, she wrote an article in Newsweek about the dangers of psychotherapy, which claimed psychotherapists don't inform their work with scientific research. Her piece was based on a highly controversial and biased article, which she was summarizing. As a clinical psychologist with a doctorate in which I was trained in the scientist practitioner model, I strongly disagreed with what she wrote. My graduate training required me to understand research and do both a master thesis and dissertation, so I was horrified that what she wrote would erroneously discourage people from seeking therapy.
I immediately dashed off a scathing email about her irresponsibility in writing this article and her callousness about the harm it would do. I was surprised to receive a reply within 45 minutes. She had carefully read my message and took responsibility for what she had written. In fact she agreed that she shouldn't have been so heavy handed and was also worried about the negative impact the piece might have on people deciding whether to reach out for counseling. I was dismayed to realize that I had apparently hurt her feelings. This is not to imply that she was a fragile hot-house flower. As a professional journalist, she could stand the heat and didn't need to stay out of the kitchen. However, while I felt like my points were valid, and so did she, I realized I hadn't even considered how she would feel reading what I'd written. I hadn't intended it to be mean-spirited, but it definitely came across that way. We had a brief but pleasant correspondence about this which completely changed the way I write to people who I disagree with and the reviews I leave for books I've read that I don't like. She and I became LinkedIn and Twitter followers. Although we didn't correspond again, I always felt a connection with her that was special to me.
Her role as a journalist was to influence people. I'm quite certain she had no idea bout how she'd influenced me to be more tactful and diplomatic in my correspondence and reviews. I'm also a writer and a public speaker. I gave a TEDx talk Why Can't We Be Friends on friendship, which is posted on youtube and has many hostile and scathing comments underneath the video, many of which are hard to read. Articles I've written have resulted in letters to the editor or emails to me where I feel misunderstood or attacked. Of course most of the commentary on my work is positive, which is a good counterbalance to the negativity. As I frequently say to my psychotherapy and coaching clients, light and shadow exist everywhere. If you are going to put yourself out in the world, you will see both.
I appreciate her taking the time to grant me the opportunity to hear her perspective as a writer faced with the challenging task of sharing complex information to a diverse audience. This perspective has served me well now that I'm frequently on the other side. She probably never realized it, but she taught me that I could also stand the heat and stay in the kitchen with confidence and grace. I wanted to take a moment today to thank her and to share my gratitude with others who cared about her and her work.
